I wish I had more positive things to post at this point...but facts are facts and here are the facts: I have been back in the States for a little over a month and can't find a job! Moreover, with every email I receive from one of my great students...I miss living and working in Beijing more and more! Honestly? I would return tomorrow if I had the means to do so. I was living in a fantasy world when I believed that I could become gainfully employed here in the States within weeks of my return! I miss teaching. I miss all my great students and friends. Though I have a very nice rental home here....I miss my Beijing apartment and all the great folks in my community there! I MISS struggling to communicate in Chinese. I find myself saying things out loud to MYSELF in Chinese....just to try and not forget all the things I learned! I thought I would be exempt from reverse culture shock. I thought I was stronger than the woes I had read about with returning folks from foreign lands. I was wrong. At this moment....though I love my family and friends.....I just want to go back. Today. Right now. And it doesn't help that folks are emailing me from Beijing asking me to return...offering assistance...free places to stay, etc. Sigh.... My goal at present is to find a job. I need something else to focus on than my intense longing to return to China. Readers of this post might think this odd but I honestly have a connection with living in China that even I can't fully comprehend. I can only say that I was happy and content living there and felt fulfilled....in my job, with my relationships with folks....with life! I've never been one to be very homesick. But I am now homesick and how strange is it that I am "homesick" for my life in China???? I know that many of these feelings are due to the fact that I am not employed yet and am pretty much confined to my little house with only a television for distraction.
Here's a few photos from around my little house. I really have little else to do than take photos around my house these days! ha
My front yard is COVERED in leaves. Anyone want to come over and help me rake? I have no motivation to rake and bag up the leaves. I'm content to let them lie until mowing over them in the Spring of 2010!
Beautiful leaves in my backyard!
Close-up of berries (inedible) in my yard.
I also have lots of nature's critters in my yard. It's nice to sit on the steps of my back porch and listen to the birds and crickets, the horns from the trains (just a few meters...uh, yards...from my front yard) and the sounds of airplanes (I live just a few miles from the Nashville airport). I stare at the planes as they either take off or descend and wish I were on one of them...
In childspeak....we call this spider a "grand-daddy long leg!" I have no idea what the proper name of this spider is....only know that they are "good" spiders that eat more dangerous spiders so you want these around.... This one was on top of my outside trash bin.
There's also a fair amount of squirrels in and around my yard....burying their nuts amidst the leaves and surely saying a prayer that they'll remember where they hid them....
One of my greatest joys of critters around my house is a little dog that must surely live nearby (I believe he lives just across the street but can't be sure). One night I went on a walk down the streets of my new neighborhood and this little fellow followed behind me during the entire walk, even though it was far from his home.
So cute! I call him "Buddy" but have no idea as to his proper name. I opened my front door and he went straight into my house! He said he was thirsty so I gave him some water in the kitchen. He drank and then promptly went back out the front door and told me he wanted to play. It's true! So we played a little game in the front yard where he sped around the yard in giant circles! Very cute and I captured some of his speedy activity on video! I'm pretty sure he's a mostly "inside" dog because I don't see him all that often.
I really miss China. However, I know things will improve. I just want that improvement to come SOON! Struggling to stay in the States.....T.